ABOUT TOBY

My wife Kristi and I live with our seven cats in our home in Salem Oregon, fifteen minutes south of downtown.

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Kristi and I met in 2017 on eHarmony.com.  We were both in a place where we wanted to meet someone with whom we could be 100% authentic and share the rest of our lives.  For us, this was the perfect method, and the perfect timing. Kristi and I were married in September 2018 at Pringle Park in Salem.

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I work in Business Development for CDWG from my home office, and though I love my teammates and coworkers, I am seeking the next opportunity that will be a better fit for who I am and the skills I bring to the team.  I would like my next opportunity to also be a work from my home job with travel. I would love to be in a place where Kristi and I could travel together from time to time. Kristi works in the emergency room at the hospital.

PEELING BACK SOME LAYERS OF A PREVIOUS CHAPTER - FOR THOSE INTERESTED

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I was married to Melanie from 1997 until her health finally failed in 2016.  One of the most notable things we did during our marriage was to care for 95 special needs foster children for Marion County in Salem, Oregon over a span of 9-½ years, four of whom we adopted.  Many of the kids and their families remain in my life to this day.

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Towards the end of my marriage to Melanie, I began to realize how much of an abusive situation I was in.  For years, I had justified everything by convincing myself I caused and deserved it all. Though many kids love Melanie’s memory, and adore her, there was a darkness not everyone saw.  I still struggle that people will not believe what happened, and that sometimes leads me to withdraw away from others. I am working on accepting that others have a different perception and feeling of her and her memory.  It is difficult to hold and accept two contradictory truths at the same time.

UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTING MYSELF

Our experiences shape who we are, for better and for worse.  I accept that I have baggage, I know that I want to rid myself of it, but it isn’t as easy as one would think.  I wish knowledge was understanding. I find that I am no longer able to simply push through deep levels of adversity and toxic environments.  Perhaps one day I will get my resilience back up to where it once was, but for now, I must be careful to care for myself. This means I need to be thoughtful about the environments and situations I choose to be in or around.

There are many topics I must avoid I struggle very deeply if I am around negativity or hatred. 

When I was 35, I was diagnosed with ADHD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Severe Depressive Disorder.  All of my friends and coworkers had known I was ADHD for years, apparently I was the only one that didn’t realize it.